Please forgive me for not emailing sooner, we have been quite busy with trying to get to a sense of normalcy here at home. After we returned from Florida visiting my sisters we were simply exhausted and it took a day or two to get things back in order. We want to say thank you to everyone that has helped in any way at all concerning our loss. We simply could not have made it through this period of time in our life without the Lord and our friends and family.
As I lay here this morning I am reminded of the beauty of my wife. I long to gaze into her deep brown eyes just once more. I look at her pictures often throughout each day to notice each freckle I miss so dearly. Her smile was contagious and her laughter was pure medicine to our hearts. to those that knew Ferrol, they know how much she loved practical joking and oh how I miss them.
It has been 50 days today. While it seems so long ago, at the same time I still cannot believe she is gone. This week has been extremely difficult for me personally as I have struggled each day with loneliness. My children are in many different directions and I find myself alone and not enjoying a moment of it. I know that the Scriptures are there for my benefit and I do know that David, Job and many others have suffered with loss in their lives just like the loss I am experiencing in mine, but it is still very difficult.
Last night I spent time preparing our children’s Easter Baskets. One thing my wife loved was a holiday of any kind. She knew that we celebrated Easter every year because of what Jesus Christ did on the cross for our sins and how he arose on the third day according to the Scriptures 1 Cor. 15:3&4, but she also had a love for celebrating with baskets and hiding of eggs. She would fill up plastic eggs with candies and monies of all varieties. It was fun watching her make each child, no matter the age, walk outside and hunt for eggs. She was hilarious, but I think Terry John was the funniest to watch.
I placed an Easter Lilly at Ferrol’s Grave this morning and I must tell you, after I got back into the car I wept uncontrollably with questions of why Ferrol? Why now? Why my children must suffer and endure this pain? I know that God can handle my why’s. I do not understand why God felt that 21 years was enough time to be with Ferrol, I must say, I cannot imagine how Noah and my other children feel with only 11, 15, 18 and 20 years with their Mom. The kids are doing okay, but I know that Goldie needs to see a counselor of some sort to release some of her frustrations because I do not think that she is dealing with her loss yet and I believe that she needs to get help with this soon.
Terry is struggling but keeping himself busy so that he does not have to think about it I believe. He and I have had some issues in recent weeks but I believe that he and I both want to work through these issues so that we can be the best Father / Son we can be. He is asking me if he can take a year off after graduation and I am not entirely certain that I want him to do that but he wants to work for a while and then go to school. Please pray for direction in his life.
Jacob is seeking work as well this summer at a Baseball Complex. Carly’s dad works for one in New Albany so I think he will be spending time there this summer. and Noah is doing very well at times. He is so strong. He is helping through this grieving process with his hugs and love. I do not know what I would do without my kids. They mean so much to me now more than ever. Please pray that Satan will be bound and that the kids will not be mean to each other and that they would be forgiving of one another and love one another as Ephesians tells them too.
We love you all very much and wish to thank you for allowing me to be open and honest with you. I need your continued prayer support to get through this very difficult time in my life. Thank you so very much for your love for my family. Please have a blessed Easter as you seek, remember the Tomb was Empty. He is Alive.
God bless.
TJ and the Gang
